Battery Speak

    AT three, in the stealth of the dawn, on July 10, 1806, when it was still very quiet and the calm enveloped the Vellore fort, the doors of the native barracks suddenly flung open. Five hundred brave Indian sepoys were on the threshold of a mutiny they had so carefully plotted. Armed with muskets, they tiptoed out, dragging in their midst two heavily muffled six-pounder guns. They reached the European barracks, briefly halted, lifted the muskets to their shoulders and waited expectantly. The signal they anticipated was issued presently. It was at once fire works that shattered the still and the quiet. Windows and glass crashed while the English inmates woke up to their peril. Either they were killed in their beds whilst in deep slumber or were put down while running out in night robes trying to make sense of the pandemonium that had broken out so suddenly.

Excerpts from an article in The Hindu.

    historians and politicians complain that when it comes to recording Indian history, the north of the country often ignores or overlooks events in the south.

    One of their greatest grievances is that south India's participation in the Indian independence struggle is neither recognised nor recorded

From a related article on BBC.

    I did most of my schooling in Bombay(state syllabus) and Bangalore(I.C.S.E syllabus). The history books made me feel pathetic that South Indians had hardly contributed to the freedom movement. Back then I was too naive to understand that people could mould history according to their needs.

    But my opinions have changed over the past few years. Now am fighting a battle within myself - trying not to become prejudiced.

I'm a music aficionado, and enjoy everything from Indian classical to extreme metal. But I usually stay away from the likes of Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, etc. When I do listen to them occasionally, it's under the following circumstances:

1. When I find it difficult to concentrate, but still want to listen to music. 
2. I need to relax but am bored with the rest of my collection(Lets just say that they relax me by triggering my imagination)
   

Earlier this week, I was faced with situation 1. So I searched around for some music, and came across an album by Christina Aguilera which I had never listened to. The first few, few 'cos I didn't keep track,  songs were nothing special and I went about my work. But I perked up when a new song started and by the end of it, and here comes the shocker, I had related to it! Related to a song by Christina Aguilera. Never had I imagined that such a day would come.

Since the album had piqued my interest by then, I chose to listen to the rest of it. My verdict - It's good. The music with its latino influences, the lyrics and her vocals, which remind me of Cher, make for a nice musical experience. And unlike most of her contemporaries, she pens her lyrics. Or so she claims. If it's true, which I don't have to reason or time to verify, then that's something appreciable.  At least she isn't a pop star but actually a modern day pop artist, a very rare breed.

ps: The title of the post is the name of the album.

The shrink has finally succeeded in curing your depression, there aren't any more meds in your cabinet, your friends and family members are relieved, and at last when you look in the mirror, your face glows. Exit hellish experience and enter PPDD, Post Post Depression Depression, which experts say affects one in one psycho. This has what ruined the life of Mr.MeMeMe.

"It was so amazing when everybody's attention was on me, my family and friends pandered to every wish of mine, my gf was there 24/7 and I was the centre of attention", says Mr. MeMeMe.

Once he got cured, everybody went back to their unfinished business and well forgot about him (they called him only once a week), so this made him irritable.  Over a period of time, this irritability resulted in PPDD.

Says an expert, "Well, when you're depressed everybody showers you with their love and you feel like a pampered kid all over again. But once you get alright, reality sinks in that you're a 25 year old man, of sound mind and any tantrums now will only result in people telling you to go fuck yourself". 

Says another expert, "Its only the first couple of years which are difficult. 'Cos after that, you'll either be in the psych ward of some hospital or dead.".

Inspired by this article on Post Nuptial Depression(PND). That's one of the most hilarious shit I've ever read. Says a victim of PMD:

      "It's so much fun planning and shopping for the
       wedding and dolling up and acting like a diva
       while friends and relatives fuss around you.
       Honeymoon over, and the magic and  the
       romance just disappeared,"

Hmmm....where have I heard that before? Ah, now I remember, its called Attention Deficit Disorder(ADD). PND? Haha, Gimme a break!!! This seems to be a prevalent trend nowadays - if you can't handle your problems, go to a shrink, and advertize the fact. And some reporter will come up with a fancy name and then you've PND, POD etc.

An excerpt from CNN's article:
          Jeffs assumed leadership of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus
          Christ of Latter-day Saints in 2002  after the death of his 98-year-old
          father, Rulon Jeffs, who had 65 children by several women. Jeffs took
          nearly all his father's widows as his own wives. He is said to have at
          least 40 wives and nearly 60 children.

Wow, what a freak show!!!

Check out this parody of LOTR by Jack Black. Hilarious. (Warning: Use headphones and there's some butt).

Jug Suraiya has an amusing article in yesterday's TOI on an issue related to geography lessons.

Since men's fairness creams are big business nowadays in India, it's time India Inc went for a new campaign. For ex,:

Evening at a beach resort. Man walks up confidently and says in a deep manly voice -- "Hey baby, how about a walk on the beach with Mr tall, fair and lovely?"  Her response, "Sure, but only if you tell me the secret of your smooth skin".  Man says "Fair and lovely kaa jawaab nahin". Both of them smile. Next scene, man and woman doting over a baby. Focus shifts onto the baby which has a shirt on with the message -- "They cream therefore I am.".  Baby winks.

I was at a dinner last night, when someone inquired, "Where do you get authentic Kannadiga food?". And immediately cool guy responds, in a demeaning tone, "What authentic Kannadiga food? They eat only rice.  Nothing else.".  Shocking though it is, we shouldn't be hasty in judging the person.  Such ideas seem to be present in large section of visitors to this city, and let's face it, so many people cannot be bad. Looks like they do not have any geography lessons in school, and it's the darned education system that needs to be blamed. So I'd like to take this opportunity to present simple middle school level geography lessons:

• Not all southies(i.e, South Indians) are madrasis. Hell not all Tamilians (people from the state of Tamil Nadu) are madrasis. I'm a Tam(short for Tamilians) and I'm not a madrasi even remotely.
• South India consists of 4 states. These states are: Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka (Bangalore is the capital of this state), Kerala(famous for its backwaters) and Tamil Nadu(capital: Madras).
  
• The number of states have been 4 for many decades now unlike certain other places where the rate of growth of number of states is faster than the rate of growth of our population .  So, it shouldn't be difficult  to remember them.  All you have to do is sit  down everyday for 10 minutes and keep repeating the names; do this for a year and you'll be there(or at least most of you will be, I hope).
• Why do we southies eat so much rice? Because, rice is our staple( click on word for meaning) diet since that grows in abundance in South India and provides us the nutrition we need. It is known fact that in any location people will consume that which grows the most and is edible and nutritious. But there are other delicacies also. These details will be available in later chapters.

These are today's geography lessons. Now Miss Manners would like to say a few things about, well, manners and culture:

• Southies are dark skinned and since they don't spend 10 hrs a day applying the lovely/handsome creams so that they look like they've been washed with Surf Excel, they're bound to remain so, at least for the next few generations. And southies know that. So stop calling them kallus atleast not when you're in the south. It's not like we go around calling you gora kachra(white trash).
• There is nothing wrong in eating rice with fingers instead of a spoon. In Indian mythology(i.e, stuff like Ramayana and Mahabharata), everybody from the gods to the rakshashas ate with their fingers.  So the next time you see a southie eat rice with his/her fingers, don't say something like "Chee, kaise log hain, chawal bina spoon ke kha rahe hain". If that had happened in the story of Sudama, it would probably go something like this: 
  
• Sudama handed over the bag containing the rice to Krishna. Krishna took a fistful of rice and ate it. Sudama said "Chee, kaisa aadmi hai tu, chawal bina spoon kha raha hai". Krishna got mad, kicked the ass of Sudama all the way to the latter's home. Since he was still pissed, he decided to chill out by organizing a Panadava-Kaurava war.
• If you're ignorant, it is wiser (and safer) to shut the fuck up, oops, err, sorry, I mean keep quiet and not make some bold statement and end up looking like a idiot.
• When you're with a professional group (i.e., those people whom you work with and not those people with whom you discuss the new boil on your butt), do not make racist comments. It's considered a dangerous practice worldwide, so please for your own well being, refrain from doing so.

That's all for today kids. Be good.

ps: As for the answer about authentic Kannadiga food in the Bangalore, go to MTR, Kadambam etc.

All done! Finished my masters yesterday. It's been two freakin crazy years at this place. Will write a detailed post later. For now I'll think to thank a few people(apart from my folks and my prof) who've made these two years memorable: people who studied, boozed, smoked, headbanged, ranted, laughed with me, people who taught me, people whom I taught ;-), people who were there for me when I felt like shit. Thanks a lot guys:Sesh, Pirate, Dileep, Manju, vinvincible, Jo, kalyan, gromhellscream, Swap, Ambi, Aneesh, Asit, Mangesh, Gaurav, Adi, PP, Hasta, Anil, Mani, Karthik, Raghavan, Vishal and Rajesh.

I'd also like to thank all those people who tried really hard to make my life miserable. Even though your intentions weren't noble, your Herculean efforts left me amazed. It's 'cos of you that I've become a smarter, stronger and better human being.